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A Defence of Cultural Intelligence
When humans set off to address fundamental issues about what and how life is to be, two important questions exercise the conscience though a middle-ground question could arise from these two. One question is: 'how do we make humans the measure of...
How Harmful is Parental Favouritism?
What are the long-term psychological effects of favouring one child over another?
How often have you heard a child complain, "But that's not fair! He always gets his own way"? Although sibling rivalry is common, how is a child's mental...
Literature and Women
Much has been written about women and women's issues throughout the ages; by women themselves and about women by men − women's mastery and mystery, their beauty and perceived lack of it and the overblown significance thereof, the ties that...
Reasons For Breach in Marital Relations
Marriage is a most
pious term in the dictionary of social institution. It is not
only a lifetime bond between two persons but also a bond between
two families. Divorce on the other
hand is heartbreaking end of this relationship. It...
Three Lessons Katrina Should Have Taught Us
I have listened with a certain degree of sad amusement to all the political and media hoopla about "what went wrong" with the Hurricane Katrina disaster response. Fingers are pointed in every direction, resignations have occurred, and shrill...
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Get Ready for International Peace Day!
Get Ready for International Peace Day!
Peace. What a lovely concept. What an elusive dream. The
idea of peace seems so unrealistic, so out of our reach, especially when we
think about it in world-wide dimensions.
What if peace could be attainable, right here, right now,
in real and tangible ways? What if small, individual contributions could make a
significant difference in the world?
These are the kinds of questions running through the minds
of the people who initiated International Peace Day, which is celebrated on
September 21
Most of my readers are not aware that the creation of
www.blended-families.com and the StepHeroesTM newsletter came out
of heartfelt prayer about what I could personally do to encourage peace on the
planet after the atrocities of September 11, 2001.
As one person, I did not at first believe that there was
much, if anything, that I could do to make a difference in the world. As I
continued to meditate on this question, I began to notice the peaceful
interactions in my family, and remembered that this was not always so. I also
noticed how when conflicts did arise, as they so often do in blended families,
that we seemed to effortlessly move through the anger and get to the heart of
the matter - the pain and fear underneath. Where there had once been "looks
that could kill" and slamming doors, and storming teenagers, we found that we
had a home that was loving, respectful, understanding, and unified in our
collective goal of harmony in our relationships. I realized that we, as a
family, had achieved peace in what had been a war-zone in our own home. And
when the inevitable "emotional landmines" were triggered, we had the tools to
quickly and easily defuse them and get back to a place of connection and
harmony.
I also saw the same results in the families that
participated in our monthly couples' group, and in the lives of the foster and
adoptive families that I was working with at the time.
I began to write about my observations and the tools we
used as a family to get to where we were, while relating stories of where we had
been. I called my newsletter "StepHeroesTM" because, in my thinking,
anyone who chooses to be a stepparent is a true hero. Heroes are people who
take action with courage and determination, even against the odds. So, at the
end of each article was an action step that could be put into practice that day,
and that would bring more peace and connection into the home.
I found that other step and blended families enjoyed these
articles and wanted to learn more. In my own way, I began to touch the lives of
hundreds, and then thousands of people who also sought to have more peace and
harmony in their families, in their homes. It only takes a pebble to start an
abundance of ripples that don't stop until they reach the shore. It doesn't
take a massive boulder, or a truck load of pebbles - just one. The power of
one.
With all the overwhelming world issues that confront us
every day on the news and in our lives, it can be hard to believe that we can
make a difference and that what we say or do really matters. I can
speak from
my own experience that by setting an intention to bring more peace into the
world, I have made a far greater impact than I ever imagined. I have gone from
working with individual clients in my local community to serving thousands of
blended families on 4 continents. Due to the wonders of the internet, I have
been interviewed by journalists from around the world, and I have advised major
T.V. executives on projects for shows designed to serve blended families. I now
travel internationally, sharing the tools and strategies I have to offer to
groups as small as 10 people in someone's living room, to auditoriums of
thousands at international conferences. All because of a simple question that I
sought the answer to. I am no different than you are. It all started because I
chose to act on what I care most about.
Action Step: Think about what you can do, today, to bring
more peace into your life. Some simple things you can do right now, include:
1. Turn off all electronics in your home tonight and play a
fun game together as a family; or get together with friends and play together.
2. Send a hand-written letter to a loved one that you have
some fences to mend with and share, from your heart, what matters most to you.
3. Invite your neighbors over for a pot luck, and ask
everyone to bring a fun question that everyone else has to answer (eg. What was
your most embarrassing experience? What is your favorite memory? What do you
care most about in the whole world? If you could do anything, with total
permission and no worries, what would you do? If you won the lottery, how would
you change your life? ...)
4. Smile at everyone who provides you service - the gas
station attendant, the checkout girl at the grocery store, the mailman - and
genuinely thank them while looking them in the eyes - make contact.
5. Pay it Forward - do something unexpected and nice for a
total stranger, and ask that they do a kind turn to someone who they don't
know.
For more ideas on how to promote peace and cultivate
meaningful connections in your life, visit the Got Heart? Project at
www.got-heart.org. The quickest and most effective way to bring peace into
your life is to come from your heart and to connect with the heart of the person
in front of you. This site is all about promoting those kinds of connections.
You can become a Heart Hero and share you ideas for encouraging and spreading
peace in your life and the lives of others around the world.
For more information about the International Day of Peace,
visit
http://www.internationaldayofpeace.org/ and learn about ways that you can
actively and easily promote a peaceful world in your own life.
About the Author
Emily Bouchard has a Masters Degree in Social Work and a B.A. in Child Development. She has over 20 years of experience working with children and families dealing with adversity in a variety of settings. Emily is a speaker, author and trainer with tools to dramatically improve communication and relationships. www.blended-families.com
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